Love's hard but worth it
by kurenohikari
Summary: I fall in love fast and hard, that's a fact. But even though I had a lot of lovers during my different stages until I finally married the man of my life, I was never lucky. Follow Samantha Singer through her love life and the problems that came with it. *Warning: Female Sam Winchester and there are mentions of rape, but nothing graphic*.


I fall in love fast and hard, that's a fact. But even though I had a lot of lovers during my different stages until I finally married the man of my life, I was never lucky.

My first love was Gabriel Novak. I met him when I was ten years old, in primary school. He was one of those naughty boys that always got sent to the corner because of their pranks. One of those boys that mocked me because I was a good girl, perfect marks and never getting into trouble: the teacher's pet, that's what they used to call me. However, one fateful day when we were eleven the teachers got the marvellous ( _Note my sarcasm?_ ) idea of completing together and pair us up for every school project. They strongly believed that we would balance each other, they used to say that we should learn from each other that seeing things from other perspective, even if it is from someone the complete oposite of you, will change your way of being. They used to call him sun and me moon, to make sure we would remember the lesson. At the end they were right, he became more calm, started paying attention in class and make his homework. Of course, he didn't stop pulling pranks, even if the number of them was lower, it was what made him Gabriel. I, on the other hand, stopped being so shy and only pay attention to school. I started making friends, other than Dean, and having fun. A year gone by and we've became friends when he finally asked me to be his girlfriend, of course we were just kids at that stage, we didn't understand what it meant to be a couple. But we stayed together until we did, then I was the one who asked him to be my boyfriend, his reply was pure Gabriel snark: "I already am Sasquatch!".

We stayed together strong and steady for a long time, until we reached seventeen. We were the couple of school, we even met each other's families. His adored me, I even went to church with them. Castile took a special liking to me, so much that Mr. And Mrs. Novak asked me to babysit him whenever they were busy. Another sibling of Gabriel that took a special liking to me was Lucifer, but instead of being adorable, as his seven years old brother, it was quite creepy. It got to a point that Gabriel refused to take me to his home whenever his brother was paying a visit, much to my relief. However, mine never liked him, not that I ever fault them it takes quite a bit time to get accustomed to Gabriel. We were happy... but it all changed with a prank he pulled, a damn prank! He created stink bombs which he put in every classroom, it wouldn't have shaken me so much if the prank had been pulled correctly. It seemed as if Gabriel's calculations weren't right and the one of those bombs literally exploded causing a fire and sending five students to the hospital. No one was able to pin the prank on Gabriel but I knew him well enough to be sure it was him. He didn't get expeled but he did lose me, I have been trying to explain to him that his prank were getting out of control and weren't even fun. However, he didn't listen to me and at the end he paid the price by losing me. We still were very good friends, but the blind trust that once was there was never regained. And what is a relationship without trust?

It was very hard, especially since Gabriel was my first everything. First friend, first boyfriend, first kiss, first date, first love and first time. But we broke up in relatively good terms, which meant that we still conserved our friendship and the good memories of an amazing relationship, not a lot of people were lucky to have a great first boyfriend and time as I did. So there were no regrets.

Even if my first love didn't work out as I expected, I didn't let it discourage me. However, I still weren't ready for the commitment that meant being in a relationship, the wounds of Gabriel's love were still fresh. So that year during vacation I searched for a summer love, luckily I found it in a very kind girl. She was a bit older than me so we couldn't have sex without she being charged with statutory rape. But our relationship wasn't based on physical attraction, even though she was precious, but in comfort and friendship. Amelia had just lost his fiancé in a car accident, he was in a coma and the doctors were pretty sure that he would never wake up. I had just lost the trust in the guy I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. So we got together to comfort each other so we would know that we weren't alone and that we could still find love with another person. We went to dates, cuddled at night while watching T.V, kissed, touched and got to know each other, we practically spent all our time together. However, it all ended the last week of summer when Amelia woke up. Her fiancé was back which meant we were over, not that it bothered me so much cause since the beginning we knew that it wasn't meant to last. But still it left a bitter taste in my mouth when we didn't keep on touch, I knew that it was because (name) felt awful for not being completely loyal to Amelia and waited for him to wake up, but still we became very good friends and was expecting that our friendship meant something to her as it had meant something for me. But it seems that it hadn't.

My third chance in love ended up in a tragedy. Madison was samphore, two years younger and the new acquisition to the drama club, the club I was captain from. I must admit that the reason why I accepted her were principally selfish, even though she was a good actress I also wanted her in the club so I would get to know her better and see if she wasn't only a pretty face. And know her I did, she even started eating lunch with my friends and me. It was a slow work, getting to accept her bisexuality but at the end she did. Five months after we met, she finally said yes to go out on a date with me. We went to the mall, everything was going so well, I made sure that her first date was perfect and that she entirely enjoyed her first kiss. However, soon everything went to hell. People ran everywhere in chaos, yells where heard from every inch of the mall, shots rang in my ears until this day, but what I'll never forget was... was the look in Madison's face as a bullet pierced his skull right in front of me.

I still blame myself for her death, even after her parents told me that they didn't blame me, that I couldn't have known that there would be a shooting in the mall. If I hadn't forced her out of the closet and into a date with me, she wouldn't have died that fateful day. These thoughts were the ones that made me commit the worst mistake of my life: dating Ruby. During winter break I met a gorgeous but deadly woman, her name was Ruby and she took advantage of my pain and took me in a ride straight to hell. She convinced me to ran away from home and go in a road trip with her: vandalism, party until dawn broke, had sex in the most vulgar of places, got drunk to the point we puked, luckily I never let her convince me to steal anything or get into drugs, even in the dark place I were I had my limits. At the end of winter break Dean found me, our meeting was bad. We yelled, cried and fought each other, until he finally made me see what a horrible mistake I've made. We got back home, he made sure that I stayed sober and went to a psychologist, he even convinced the Michael Novak, an old friend of his, to be my lawyer when Ruby was prosecuted for theft, statutory rape and illegal possession of drugs.

After that I stayed single for a long time, until my second year of college-I went to Stanford for pre-law. Then I met an old and brilliant man, his name was Crowley. Our relationship was based principally sex-he had so much experience that made our sexual life the best I ever had- and in the intelectual aspect. We hide things and tried always to outwit each other, to see who was more intelligent and wicked. Of course, a relationship liked that wouldn't have lasted long, but we tried to change for each other. Because even if being together got the worst out of us, it also got the best of us. He was a better person with me and learned how to love and be loved in return, I understood that people don't always deserve second chance and learned to make tough decision when they were needed, something I'll always thank him cause it helped me a lot to become a lawyer. However, it didn't matter how much we tried to make it work, we wanted different things for our relationship. Crowley had enter the age where he wanted to settle down and have a family, I was still young and wanted to see where life would take me. At the end we had to break up after two years of a wonderful relationship, until that stage of my life it was the hardest thing I went through. For an entire week I didn't want to do anything but stay at home, eating ice-cream, watching horrible rom-coms and crying, luckily for me Dean was the best friend in the entire world and helped me through my broken heart.

After that things didn't seem to work out, I dated two girls during my last year of pre-law, Amy and Jessica, but our relationships didn't last long and at the end we just stayed as very good friends. It took me a whole summer to figure out why I couldn't make our relationships last, at the end when I felt my heart broke when Dean announced his engagement to Lisa I knew why it didn't work out: I was in love with my best friend. But I couldn't be selfish, I knew how happy Lisa made Dean and they were also expecting, I couldn't bring myself to confess my feelings to my best friend and try to break a beautiful family. So I bit my tongue and went to wedding and accepted gracefully my place as Ben's godmother when he was born. However, what broke my heart and made me cry every myself to sleep every night wasn't the happy family the love of my life had, but how he seemed to have forgotten me. He didn't call me or visit when my birthday came, or accompany me when the anniversary of Madison came. He just forgot about me and only paid me attention whenever Ben was in the picture, after all I was still his godmother. He didn't even was there for me when everything with Lucifer happened.

During my last year of law school in Stanford I met Lucifer once again, I haven't seen him since the graduation party his family threw Gabriel and me years ago. I met him by accident in a bar nearby college, where I was drowning my sorrows... or at least I thought so. After a night of passion, thanks to the big amounts of alcohol we consumed, we said goodbye and didn't see each other again until three months later when I looked him up. That fateful night I got pregnant and even though I knew he wouldn't want anything to do with me, I went because he deserved to know the truth. For my surprise he was totally for it, he was in ecstasy to be a father. But he wanted to do things right, he wanted to marry me. I didn't know what to do, I didn't want to marry without love and my baby didn't deserve to be in a marriage without love. But after a few dates I noticed that Lucifer was in love with me, he has been ever since I was fifteen years old. It was kind of creepy at first but after nights of him comforting me for the lost of my best friend, who still wasn't answering my calls and didn't bother to be there for my pregnancy as I was for Lisa's, I began feeling something for him... it might have not be a love as I felt for Dean, but it was love none the less.

We married soon afterwards I said yes, my dad Bobby-even if he was against the idea- proudly walked me through the aisle, Gabriel my best man-cause Dean was still acting as a stranger- and Lucifer was there waiting me with a big smile on his face. We had three years of happy marriage and raised the best we could our little Adam, when I graduated I Started working in Lucifer's firm. One year after we started working together he made me a partner, I didn't wanted for I felt as I didn't deserve it. However, he made it quite clear that it wasn't my decision and that it was already made. But once again everything was taken away from me, Adam, my sweet little boy, wandered to a room... the room that Lucifer warned us it was off limits. And then I knew why it was off limits, the room was full of pictures of me, of me since I was fifteen years old until these days and every relationship I've ever had, even if it was short as Amy's and Jessica's. But what disturbs me the most was the clear proof that he has been involved in Madison's murder. However, the worst thing was that there was proof that he drugged me that night, the night Adam was conceived... he practically raped me! Shaken by this revelation I called the police, even if he had the whole city under his control this kind of proof was impossible to refute, he was sent to prison and our divorce went smoothly, giving me the whole rights for Adam and letting me be the head of the firm until Lucifer's sentence was over, however that won't be happening in a long time.

The months afterwards were hard, not only because Lucifer was gone and Adam kept on asking why his daddy was in prison, but because I missed Dean so much. In moments like these he would have been there for me and made everything better... but it's been five years since he kicked me out of his life, there was no way he would want me back now. At least that's what I thought, but during Adam's third birthday he appeared with Ben. Saying that I was shocked would have been the underestimate of the year, but I still let them in. Even though I was furious with Dean I still missed my godson and wanted my son to meet the one who's as practically his cousin, them being just a year apart made their connection a lot easier.

"What are you doing here Dean?" I asked him coldly, I wasn't going to beg him for his friendship back when he was the one that left me behind.

"I was in the army" he told me, surprising me once again "I sent you letters and emails, of course they went first to Lisa because I never knew which room you were staying at college or if you have finally moved in with the actual boyfriend or girlfriend you were with" he told me, I frowned confused, cause I never received anything. He saw my expression and laughed "Of course, you wouldn't know this because Lisa is a jealous bitch who knew since the beginning that you always came first before her... you and Ben" he confessed, and I couldn't breath "When I came back I was furious cause I believed that you've forgotten about me for a pretty face with money as Lucifer was, at least that's what Lisa told me...".

"That's not true!" I cut him off "I always called and wrote to you, I've never forgotten about you. Even when I was with Lucifer... you were always there in my mind. I just... I just believed that you've gotten enough with me and my troubles. That I didn't matter to you anymore..." I sobbed, hating how weak I was.

"Baby girl... you and Ben are the most important things in my life... and now Adam" he assured me, dragging me into a bear hug "When I came back I found out that not only Lisa was meddling in our friendship, but she had also been cheating on me with... with the biological father of Ben".

"With who?!" I exclaimed shocked.

"The only reason why I married that bitch was because of Ben, and he had never been my son... no, he is. I am his father, not that son of a bitch" he told me, even though I was sad for him deep inside my heart I was happy that he had never loved that woman "So I asked Michael for a favor and won every right for Ben, she can't even have visits. I left her the house but everything I gained during our marriage was still mine. I came here as soon as they've told me what happened with you... I'm so sorry Sammy, I had to be by your side..." I cut him off with a kiss, a kiss that I've been waiting for five years "What was that?... Not that I am complaining! It was the best kiss I've ever had!".

"I love you Dean, and now I know you feel the same. Let's just forget about those fuckers you fucked up our lives and start a family together. We've practically been together since for ever, we just need to stay monogamous this time" I said.

"That's why you've always been the brains in this relationship" he said, making me laugh for the first time since forever. He leaned down for another kiss, hands roaming my body, which I had to stop "What's wrong?" He asked worriedly.

"You'll have to take things slowly Dean... Lucifer, he..." I chocked on my tears at the memory.

"I know, I've been told" he said gravely "If he wasn't in jail I would have killed him for what he had done to you" he told me with a dark look on his face, he shook his head surely trying to chase all those bad thought away "I love you Sammy, I've been in love with you since the moment I've met you. I waited this long, a bit more it's nothing".

"I'm so sorry" I cried into his chest.

"Hey, shh baby girl. Don't cry. Why are you sorry?" He questioned me softly "You know that what Lucifer did wasn't your fault".

"Not that, for making you wait so long" I confessed.

"It was worth the wait" Dean assured me confidently, making me fall for him all over again.

And worth it, it was. Especially when two years latter we were in each other's arms, in a hospital room, as we presented our just born daughter, Emma, to our sweet boys.

Yeah, love is hard but worth it, I thought to myself as I look at my husband and children, as I looked at our family with a huge dimple smile.


End file.
